Bob is my biggest fan. 5/4/2006
Bianca brought it to my attention today that I have been remiss in checking for comments to approve. Apparently a few people actually read this. Problematically, one of those people is my manager. Hopefully he doesn’t look too close at the timestamps on these posts. Nevertheless, I had not seen the wee handful of comments that, for lack of a better term, i will call ‘legitimate’ posts (meaning: i know the freak who wrote it) because you’ve all been outshone so brightly by Bob, the most whimsical spammer ever. Seeing as there are currently something like 267 comments awaiting moderation, all penned by Bob, I almost ticked the mass delete option and forgot about it, until I figured I had better check for comments from YOU people before doing that. That’s how close we came to never having known Bob.
I think what I like most about Bob is his piquant marriage of both subtle irony and a real art for the absurd. To be sure, he’s posted plenty of “online blackjack - texas holdem - viagra” comments, but every artist has to make a living, right? What I’m going to do is share some of the better ones I’ve run across, ones where Bob really let go of the borgeouis constraints of the spamming medium.
For the bored housewife:
beaded purses — home roulette supply
I seriously have to ask. Home roulette supply? What the fuck is that? Is there some weird, underground suburban black-market roulette scene going on that I’m not aware of?
safe pen-pals — sucking black men — IBS and depression
Could this, perhaps, be semi-autobiographical? They say the best art draws from the artist’s personal experiences.
Or how about
rotating hookas — canopy bed pictures
I admit, this one baffles me. Why would anyone need or want either of those two items? Furthermore, the notion of a rotating hooka kinda just blows my mind.
I think my two favorites, though, are:
professional vacuum cleaners — men sucking
and
winnipeg jobs — nonprofit jobs — job satisfaction — hand jobs
The work of a subtle genius your spam may be, Bob. It’s still not making it into my comments, though.
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