you’re going to hell. 7/18/2006
why are you going to hell? because there’s no room in heaven for people like you. jesus doesn’t want to hang out with the kind of jackass who would steal the pregnant woman’s yogurt.
oh, sure, you didn’t know it was mine, it didn’t say “MEGAN” on it in huge sharpie letters, so i mean, honestly it could have been anyone’s, right? and sure, you didn’t know i’m pregnant and feeling simultaneously so ravenous i could eat human organs and so nauseated i don’t think i could eat even another saltine without horking on my shoes.
but you know what i *can* eat? i can eat nancy’s lowfat yogurt. it goes down and stays down and i don’t feel quite as green once it gets there. and it is only that brand of yogurt that can achieve that for me. and i can only find it at whole foods, which is a 20 minute walk for my pregnant, nauseated, exhausted ass.
also, i’m a pro-choice feminist and all, but i’m not going to balk at calling my little hitch-hiker a “baby” so that you can feel even worse because you’re not just stealing yogurt from me, but you’re also stealing it from my poor, helpless, developing angel-baby. how can angel-baby grow his/her precious little wings if you keep stealing my yogurt? think about that.
man, you’re such an asshole. seriously. jesus wants no part of your shit.